Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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