Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
