get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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