Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
