her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
we should paint friendship bongs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
