I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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