The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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