remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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