God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So apparently I’m into choking now
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