I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
