im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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