he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
