It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
