can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
