There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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