hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
