So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is Oprah even human
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
