Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
