bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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