I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
