I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
