I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
