i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
