I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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