to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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