you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
