You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
