Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
