Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
