thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize