cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
