I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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