mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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