R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
