I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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