I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
