She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
