There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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