I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
