You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
