2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize