you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
