she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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