Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
