The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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