I looked at my own cervix.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
