we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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