"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
