so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
