I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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