Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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