you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
