We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
