I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
