i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
