all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
