How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
