I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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