I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
