don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
