i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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