NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
