Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I touched a dick in church today
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
