textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do vagina's smell?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We don't watch enough power rangers
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize