Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
