He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
they're like a gay fantastic four
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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