You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
