Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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