If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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