Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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