You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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