Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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