Yo dont text me then not text me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
