two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
