So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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