she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
