I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
