Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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