My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
