She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
