and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
