PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize