never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
