This is not my ceiling
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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