glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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