so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
